The Journey of Me

I have gone through some things in my life that truly stand out in my memory, but nothing has ever rocked me to my core more than my husband's infidelity. It caused a lot of things to come to the surface that I did not realize that I had suppressed. Like the sense of abandonment that I felt in my childhood. Or the mistreatment of me by my older male cousin when I was little. The need for approval and acceptance that stemmed from that, and the correlation that I felt was the basis of being loved - needing to prove my worth or value, so I would be chosen, wanted, accepted, and valued.

I searched and searched to find that validation. I worked hard to constantly be productive and try to show that I was worthy of value and love, but the harder I tried, the more it seemed to push him away. I still didn't have what I was searching for. I couldn't fill the void that was so vast inside of me. 

I looked in the mirror and questioned everything that I had believed up until that point. Was I valuable? Had I invested all of that time for nothing? What was my purpose? Who was I? I couldn't answer that question if my life depended on it. I journaled my feelings for years, and it was ironic when I would go back and read prior journal entries and find that I kept writing the same things over and over, year after year, and life was simply passing me by. I had a choice to make. A decision. 

I began to seek God's face more than ever before. I read His word. I started counseling to get to the root cause of why I felt the way I felt, or why I had the voids that I had. The journey was long, hard, and I had some very low points. Sometimes, it felt unbearable, and I often felt very isolated and alone. But God began to teach me and show me how to see myself the way that He sees me.

The infidelity kickstarted my journey, long before I knew that it was going to be a part of my journey. It killed the old me and helped me to birth out - or unleash - the me I was created to be. I discovered that my worth and value is not in a man and his opinion of me, nor in anyone else's. I am not defined by my story, my scars, or the labels that anyone else has given me. I am who God says that I am, and the value He placed in me - no man or woman can take it away. Now, I am going to spend the rest of my life teaching and showing other women who they are and empowering them to become all that God has created them to be. To not settle for what someone else said you should be or the labels they put on you.

Today, we are taking back your life! Together! Let's go!